Part 2: Sexuality

Since the word “sex” only has three letters, how did it become a four-letter word (the “plow” word and the “love” word)? How does an instinctive procreative act characteristic of all humans (and most forms of life down to fish and below) come to mean everything from the degrading and sadistically obscene to the uplifting and creatively divine, from the violently aggressive to the joyfully receptive?

Regardless of one’s worldview most humans (except, of course, for the theologically and materialistically fatalistic), including many scientists, think humankind has reached a state in evolution wherein individuals of the species can creatively use human innate characteristics, adapting them for many different purposes and in very different ways.

The “plasticity” of human abilities enable individuals to use their physical and brain skills, not only for time-immemorial practical acts such as plowing a field or constructing a building but more importantly humans can use those same muscles to do acts that have no practicality at all such as play exciting sports in the Olympics or dance in complex moves across theater stages.

This “plasticity”—for good or ill--is, especially, true for human sexuality as shown by the wide variety of statements about sex by famous individuals in the first installment of this series. Here is another example: Alan Watts, a former Episcopal minister, became a prolific writer and famous transmitter of Buddhism to the American cultural scene. I remember, when I was a teenager, and still a Baptist, watching his show every day on PBS at 6 pm, marveling at his spiritual points and esoteric philosophical explanations. Thus it was very shocking when I read his autobiography, In My Own Way.

Alongside such spiritual gems that Watts quotes such as “The cross is at the heart of the universe,” he then describes his view of human sexuality. “…Deep down inside, almost everyone has a vague sense of eternity. Few dare admit this because it would amount to believing that you are God…My own sexual mores…I do not believe that I should be passionately in love with my partner…and still less, married. For there is a special and humanizing delight in erotic friendships with no strings attached…My life would be much, much poorer were it not for certain particular women with whom I have most happily and congenially committed adultery…” Alan Watts

HUH? Most of us aren’t too surprised by the sludge coming out in the media or by so-called red-necked vulgarity. The guttural view of sex has probably been around since cavemen first spoke;-) but when a highly educated, philosophical, spiritually oriented individual such as Alan Watts glorifies promiscuous sex we surely know that human sexuality is very ambiguous with many strange variations, many of them destructive and contrary to the Truth, the Good, and the Beautiful. We’re all sexual, but in so many different ways.

Speaking of Buddhism, actually the latter for most of its history had a very different view of sexuality than Watts. Some forms of Buddhism have such a negative view of sexuality they even state that women must become men before they can be enlightened! “…a large part of Theravada texts is devoted to the depiction of women as disgusting creatures too repulsive to touch.” (Rev. Patti Nakai)

Touching, now that reminds me of my own spiritual tradition—the part I hated as a fundamentalist teenager, words from good ‘ol Paul: “Now concerning the things about which you wrote, it is good for a man not to touch a woman.” I Corinthians 7:1 Maybe that would have been good advice for Hugh Hefner and most of the individuals I knew at university, but for me going out on dates with friendly Nebraska country girls, it was exasperating. Don’t get me wrong. I am talking about handholding and kissing, traditional “necking,” not anything below the neck.

But get it, my even having to explain my particular religion’s very conservative sexual understanding shows how wide human sexual understanding is. Why, hey;-), when I was in junior high, our Christian books had so warned against kissing that I really thought girls got pregnant from kissing! Shows I lived in a small village, not on my grandfather’s farm where the animals probably did it all the time.

Contrast this religiously-sheltered ignorant upbringing with the ninth grader I encountered when I moved to the capital city of Nebraska. He smirked and demanded to know if I knew all about “69”. I knew it was 1962, but also knew the “6” and the “9” wasn’t talking about years, but about something sexual and forbidden. Just what I didn’t know.

Enough on autobiographies from Watts to Wilcox, from New Age Buddhism to fundamental Baptist Christianity, I’m sure you get the general point, without my bringing in Secularism, Hinduism, Islam and Judaism’s negative views of women, (such as the ancient Jewish prayer men said daily thanking God for not making them a woman or a slave,) and their contradictory instructions about sex, etc. Yes, sexuality is a very powerful force/drive within humanity which has been shaped like soft plastic into countlessly different configurations by humans.

The earlier modern quote about the basketball player and his wife catches the true spirit of human sexuality, as God intends sexuality to be—monogamous daily choice by two equals. Sexuality is a whole life response by a couple committed to a life-long relationship, not temporary glandular instinct nor a restricted negative necessity.

Here’s another fine explanation: “…Your understanding of love will change as you get older…I remember my second date…I totally lost my cool and told her I loved her. On our SECOND date!! You know what? I recently told that very same girl how much I love her, and how glad I am that I married her…But what I meant when I really meant it 23 years ago is a lot different from what I mean when I really mean it today! In 23 years, I’ve learned to put aside my selfishness more often, and I’ve learned more ways to love and cherish her…the heart of genuine love [in human sexuality] is an immovable decision to put” your lover’s joy and welfare ahead of your own. Usually, you don’t fall into that kind of love; you climb into it. It’s not just something you feel [nor an instinctive urge]. It’s a decision you make.” Duffy in Breakaway

Sexual love is a monogamous life-long commitment, a unique “ultimate” relationship—where two individuals give themselves to each other emotionally, mentally, and physically. That’s true love.

True love (in the marriage sense) is unlike any other human relationship, except in sacred writing where God is often spoken of as each human’s lover. Indeed, romantic sexual imagery is often used in literature to describe the ecstasy of “knowing” God intimately. Makes sense doesn’t it? After all, the Creator came up with the ideal and the actual actions of human sexuality.

In the Light,
Daniel Wilcox