Monday, December 5, 2016
Quaker Corny Humor #13
After the 3 am tragic results of the 2016 U.S. Presidential Election, the next morning early, one tired liberal Quaker turned his combine left into the next set of corn rows in southeast Nebraska and ruminated:
“The good candidates always seem to lose these major elections. It’s so discouraging, but I do see a little corn-husking humor
in the thrashing." And grinned.
He stopped the gears, picked up a a little corn cob by his feet, and pulled at the shucks.
Later, he said to his wife, "As a former University of Nebraska Cornhusker (1965)—and literally a corn husker
with my dad on my grampa’s farm near Table Rock, Nebraska, I can combine;-)
those memories with the current thrashed debacle.
"NO, dear, don't go there!"
He shifted the tooth pick in his mouth, grinned and said, "Ear, ear! Countrymen give me your...Or, how about this sweetheart?
See, I usually am on the outs with whatever group I am in, particularly in being a citizen of the U.S.
With ‘wrong’-wing American voting patterns, I keep getting liberated from U.S. policy. For instance, I voted for Bernie Sanders in the primaries, though I am actually left of him, so in the final election, my views got left out,
But I and others aren’t left-OVER."
"Forget your corn, and come help me snap these green beans, please."
He got up, gave her a hug and said, "On the contrary, we are determined to ‘left’ up--
"NO, no," she pretended to scream and laughed.
"Seriously, we need to--especially with this bad turn of event--lift up
all those ignored by this new U.S. president, and continue to oppose
the increasing religious intolerance of Christians—
help the needy, the suffering,
hard-working single moms,
prisoners of conscience in various Islamic countries,
and so forth."
"Yes, darling, I agree." But now please snap the green beans."
He picked up a bean and snapped its ends. "I wish we could say that we are so hopeful that we could afford to enjoy a little leftar;-)"
With that his wife hit him with a wooden spoon and kissed him.
As we used to say in Adams, Nebraska, “Shucks, that ain't nothin' yet. I reckon I can get to the bottom of the corn crib before I'm done.”
For those who always want Scripture verses with their reflections, no matter how corny
here's a few:
Genesis 1:10 “And they came to the thrashing-floor of Atad,”
Numbers 28:27 “As though it were the corn of the thrashing-floor”
Ruth 3:7 “Ruth lay down at the end of a heap of corn on the thrashing-floor.”
from The Farm Engineer by Robert Ritchie, page 6, 1849
The taciturn Quaker in northern Oregon, suddenly, spoke up with fervency,
“What ought one to call a line
of rabbits hopping backwards, losing their hairy fur,
across several generations from the young
getting older, to parents, to grandparents, and great grandparents?”
A visiting Portlander looked puzzled. "I don't know. What's your meaning?"
“A receding ‘heir’ line,”
and the old Quaker grinned and went back to hoeing his corn.
What is the fastest country in the world?
What is the slowest country on record?
In what country is running a passionate activity?
What country doesn’t run at all?
The danger of semantics! See below:
William Penn crossed the road despite lots of horse-drawn vehicles.
Can you spell that without any r’s?
Huh? I’m baffled.
It’s easy, T-H-A-T.
Why did the jolly Quaker stop grinning early one morning, on the Oregon Trail,
when his oxen stubbornly refused to be hitched up?
They wouldn’t take a yoke.