Saturday, October 22, 2016

Q.C.Humor #12: Remember Planking?

Remember planking?

Then there's always plenty of plankton in the ocean at the beach.

And, of course, don't forget pelicans, so we give you the plankton' pelican--
a post dedicated to punning, poetry, and all manner of lyin' of the innocent sort.

*The term plankton comes from Greek, planktos,
"errant," and leans toward the meaning of "wanderer."

*Pelican is related to to the Greek, pelekys "ax."

'Ax' not what this website can do for you but what you can do for this jabberwobblied jungle.;-)

What did the 3 pelicans say as they flew off from the roof of a Friends' meeting house in North Carolina?

Been there, dung that.;-)

Heard the story about the 'fun-gal' and the 'fun-guy'?

The couple, Gus and Gal, thought a great way to spend an evening was dining out on mushroom-stuffed cuisine.

"It's a lot of fun,Gus said;-).

The Quaker lady in Northwest Yearly Meeting endured her husband's groaning puns, but she had a bone to pick with him when he commented on her accidentally
banging her elbow (the funny bone) on his filing cabinet in their study.

For he laughed and said, That's very 'humerus.'



Sitting Duck

There in the urban lagoon
You are sitting drunk on Mountain Dew
Gabbled to the long-boarded bar
Waiting for another sotted-shot
To blast
Through your flapped brain,
One more mallard
For the boat-tender

-Daniel Wilcox
First published in Word Riot,
also in Dark Energy,
2009 by Diminuendo Press

Clammy Chops

I scooped in one huge mouthful of savory chowder
Swimming with succulent salmon reconnoitering
Wild from Alaska—my taste buds buzzed into singing,
But the stupid phone in the kitchen rang, yanking me.

I dropped my creamy spoon and rushed through the open door--
Wrong number! Frustrated, I slammed down the white thing,
Tended to nagging errands clanging for attention;
But then heard a loud slurp ... slurping 'round the den corner.

Oh, no! I rushed back into the aromatic room
And there crouched Fizzy, our calico, her cream-rootbeer
Mugged head raised, pleased, above the scent-wafted white bowl,
Just "fin-ished"—her pink tongue wiping those smiling chops.

-Daniel Wilcox
First pub. in vox poetica,
also in my book of previously published poems,
selah river, 2012

Heard about the Catholic-Mormon couple who had a large family of a dozen kids?

A negative neighbor criticized, "Haven't they heard of family planning?"

But another more philosophical neighbor with a bit of wit said,
"No, but they've heard of family planting!
They been spending lots of nights of sleeping together, dozin';-)"


"I've traveled all over America," Sam stated.


Ah, Bird Poop Van

Ah, bird poop van,
there in the far corner of the fast food lot
where wind-blown paper congregates,
and you squat against the curb,

a rusted Ford Econoline home,
spattered with a thousand puked starbursts
of smell on your dull finish,
a metal fadedness of has been.

Your owner in his tourist-trash hat
and long dirty hair hanging to his collar,
squats on the splattered grass,
grizzled before his future demise,
a throwback to Ashbury
where he used to panhandle.

He sits with his wilted wildflower
in her faded jeans splotched with patches,
sipping their mocha coffee on the matted grass
wary for the squad car to cruise by again,
and roust them out of their corner nest
under the gilded arches.

But, oh, you rest and rust so easy–
at least there are no fowl in sight.

-Daniel Wilcox
First pub. in The Bicycle Review,
also in, Dead Snakes, and
selah river

No, Eve, I won't touch that apple," he said adamantly.


The So n' So Argument

A modern couple lives on the seismic line
This of Sam 'n Andrea as in the city, so summered
Of Gardena, you know, Ada-'n Eve-r on, oh so pummed
Their hysterical house divided down geological;

They argue and argue until at the crack of dawn
Displaced tension 'rictors' up through their disjunction,
Until, until...they both shout, bellow so loud, "So,
It's YOUR fault, not mine."

-Daniel Wilcox
First pub. in Media Virus Magazine,
also in selah river

"My pet whale has died," Ahab blubbered.


Gum Up

Notice how ‘theoillogicalies’
Gum up the worded worlds

Stretchnosepuppet the truth

Jaw-chewing, teeth gnawing
It all out of shape
Are the ‘dickens-dammed,’
Bubblegummed worst

To remove

Undersides of study desks
Or our floored mind

-Daniel Wilcox
First pub. in Poydras Review,
also in Dead Snakes and
selah river

"I used to be a pilot," George explained.


Playing 'Heir' Ball

Our historic cat coughed up
a wadded brown object,
and yarned...

Ah forget
that long-winding 'tail';
go pell-mell
to your cultural
what was
your latest

-Daniel Wilcox
First pub. in The Clockwise Cat,
and in Dark Energy, my first book
of previously published poems,
2009 by Diminuendo Press

"She tore my valentine in two," said Romeo, halfheartedly.


confused poet

ever hear
of the absent-minded poet
who plunged his teeth
and flossed their toilet?

-Daniel Wilcox
from Dark Energy,
Diminuendo Press

"That's no pedigree; it's a mongrel," Tommy muttered.

"When I saw the snake, I became very upset and was rattled," said Martha.



Hugging his Friendly spouse, he whispered into her ear, "I love to camp with you," he said intently.


Has planking become an endangered species?

In the Light-hearted,

Daniel Wilcox

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