Tuesday, August 25, 2015

Quake Laughs and Signs of the Times

Hay, ready to husk some Pennsylvania Quaker Oats? Or corn?

The literature professor came out to his Honda Civic, but had to wait for the old Quaker
walking by with his dog.

As the old man passed, the professor asked “Why do you walk that old mangy mutt? What’s it for?

The old Quaker paused in silence, weighing his thoughts; finally he opened his eyes and said
to the young professor,
“Yes, good question; what is a ‘mutt-afor’? ;-)

Soon after dawn when the modern Quaker farmer came in from his first chores,
his wife showed him her Nexus Tablet. "Look, the stock market took another drop."

"Yeah, I saw the status, and it ain't much to quo about."

Why is South Korea so interested in both Quakerism and Cajun food?

South Korea’s got Seoul.


A Quaker got disowned from the meeting for operating a still in the late 1800's.

He wondered what business he could go into.

His Friend said, "What about selling tea? Be a teetotaler!"

"Nah," said the former beer maker, "I don't like tea."

"Well," said his Friend, "You could start selling these new sodas; they're not alcoholic."
Just then the Quaker's dog barked. "Like Ed Barq down in New Orleans, selling his new root beer soda.
And the man in Philly who Hires
lots of workers."

"YES! But where would be the best place for me to start such a business, another really good state
with many drinkers of soda?"

"Hmm..., probably Minnesota."


"Some of the Old Testament commands supporting slavery just make me heartsick."

"Yes, not Yahweh, but the Friendly Enlightened Way."


Before worship at a Quaker meeting, two visitors chatting--

Visitor #2:This is my second time visiting here."

Visitor #1: "Oh, like that famous California actor who used to say, "I'll be bach."

V #2: (Laughing) "Yeah, the one who got terminated. These Quakers
probably wouldn't say that, however another famous actor, was a Quaker who
also became governor, though he got terminated, too. Had to face the music,
so to speak. By the way,
don't expect music this hour."

V 1: "Why not?"

V 2: Well, some Conservative Quakers seldom sing, except spontaneously.
It would probably take an organ transplant to get them to change.
But I don't have the heart. Needed to get that off my chest. Besides,
they think too much modern music
is filled with saks and violins."

V 1: "I understand."

V 2: "Also, anybody can talk during their meetings, even say
disturbing things, but remember even if you strongly
disagree with something a person says, don't talk bach."

V 1: (Standing) "Hmm..., if there's no music, and you can't disagree
in a conversation, maybe I'll visit the Methodist Church instead; there,
if you want to hear some good music, all you have to do is leave notes
in the Johann Suggestion Bachs.

Johann Sebastian Bach

And Methodists never agree on anything. They love to talk and argue, though sometimes they don't make sense. Think about their signs and symbols.


Don’t go to church any more, couldn’t take the pew.


Patience is heavy wait.


Remember, dear Friend, the giant 3,500 year old oak was once a little nut that stood its ground.


A stranger came into a Friends meeting. It was quiet for about 20 minutes, so he leaned
over to the person next to him and asked,
“When does the service begin?”

“After worship, when we go out to help others in need.”


That old Quaker couple is like two old mutts.


He sits up and begs, but she rolls over and plays dead.

Oh, like some meetings I've been to. No spiritual life, petrified.
Though an old man snores,
until another Friend nudges him.


A marriage license is a learning permit. And lots of hard work to get where you are going.


A modern Quaker couple looked up at the night stars. As the guy worked up courage for that first kiss,
he nervously blurted out, "Do you like astronomy?"

Disappointed, the girl said, "George, Do you only have a 'one trek mind'?"


Speaking of romance and love and marriage, and commitment for as long as we both shall live...
also we want to be involved in mission work:


As a West Point graduate who earned no demerits in his 4 years there, Robert E. Lee was the most likely to secede.

"I may be from North Carolina, but why are you telling me that?"

If you don't succeed at first, try and try again.


Another Oregon rest area SIGN confronting travelers--25 BANNED ACTIVITIES
--as they pull their crowded vehicle in looking for open space,
walking, welcome,
relaxation, and


Now, I realize that many, if not all of those No-No’s, the forever “Don’t” list, are mostly common sense and common courtesy, so I’m not disagreeing with the prohibitions themselves per se.

And having had to get very legal at times with students and our own children when they tried to find technical loopholes to skirt the obvious--“She got in the way of my foot”--and other tall tales, I figure this eye-sore sign/billboard/HALT was originally only a short list that kept getting added to by traveler stupidities and passer-by self-centered myopia.

Yes, yes…
BUT who wants to pull into a ‘rest area’ looking for comfort and relaxation from a long haul, or even only a stressful travel day,
to this humongous, almost legal code, sign spitting you in the eye?

Not a friendly welcome sign, with a huge cartoonish grin, like some states have on their borders.

No instead, endless regulations STOP you,
even before you can rush your kids into the restrooms.

And the sign is ALWAYS blocking good scenery picture sites.

Big Politician doesn’t want YOU to miss it. You can’t, and though a law-abiding citizen, you have secret wishes that some local would back his tow truck into it, or for a teenager to get original with punny graffiti.

It’s the same on Oregon beaches. When we spotted a beautiful pullout along Oregon’s coastal highway, we slowed down and stopped for a walk on the beach and hopefully some great photo shots.

Instead, when I tried to take a picture of the rocks looming out in the waves like gigantic humpbacked whales, and framed by beautiful evergreens, I couldn’t avoid a very large, glaring in-your-face go-away PROHIBITED sign.

Yes, other states have signs which protect snowy plovers, “Don’t walk on the protected feathers!” And, “Danger Riptides,” and so forth.

But no place wins the award for Inhospitality like Oregon tourist signs: "Shut up! Stay out! Get your rear back on the road. Go away!"
None quite like Oregon beaches and rest areas.


In the Light,

Daniel Wilcox

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